Holidays before kids? Honestly, they were kind of relaxing. We’d just show up to family dinner, bring a few gifts, maybe plan a fun day or two off work. That was it. No schedules, no nap windows, no worrying if your tree ornaments were shatterproof.
But holidays after kids? Oh, it’s a whole different game.
The prep starts earlier. The gifts multiply. The to-do list somehow gets longer every year. And to top it off, we started hosting. Yes. Hosting. With toddlers.
Don’t get me wrong, I still love the holidays. I get excited every year. But I’ve had to learn how to manage the stress, or it all just becomes too much. I’ve figured out that if I want to actually enjoy this season, I have to protect my energy and simplify where I can.
Here are a few things I’ve learned that truly help.
1. Set Expectations Early
Are you going all out this year, or keeping it simple? Are you hosting? Traveling? Staying put?
One of the best things I’ve done is talk to my spouse early, usually in September, about what we both realistically want the season to look like. We don’t always agree right away (he loves big holiday plans, I lean more low-key), but it gives us time to find common ground.
We also communicate with extended family early. If we’re hosting or changing plans from last year, we say so ahead of time. It cuts down on misunderstandings, disappointment, and last-minute panic. Mental preparation goes a long way.
2. Start Gift Planning Early
Gift-giving used to be fun—until I married someone who already owns everything he wants, and had to start shopping for picky family members. Add in stocking stuffers and the wish lists from your kids? It gets overwhelming.
My solution: I keep a note in my phone all year long. If someone casually mentions something they want or need, I jot it down. That way, by the time November rolls around, I’m not scrambling for ideas.
Another thing that helps? Take a day off and go shopping without the kids. My husband and I started doing this a few years ago. we’ll go on a weekday, get most of the gifts done in one shot, and even have them gift-wrapped at the store if possible. It’s fun, productive, and way less stressful than hiding online orders and wrapping until midnight on Christmas Eve.
3. Learn to Say No
This is a big one. And it took me years to get comfortable with it.
You can say no to:
- A crowded Santa breakfast that doesn’t fit your nap schedule
- Buying every single item on your kids’ wish list
- Hosting again if you’re not feeling up for it this year
- Matching pajamas, Elf on the Shelf, or anything that drains your energy
The truth is, you don’t have to do it all. Not every invitation needs a yes. Not every tradition needs to be repeated. Say no where you need to, and don’t feel guilty.
4. Enjoy the Moments (Not the Perfection)
I’ve learned the hard way that chasing perfection sucks the joy right out of the holidays. The matching pajamas don’t always arrive on time. Someone’s going to cry during family photos. Your Pinterest-inspired table setup might get destroyed by lunch.
But the real magic is in the little things:
- Snapping a photo of your toddler’s face while unwrapping a gift
- Watching your kids decorate sugar cookies, even if it’s mostly frosting
- Singing Christmas songs in the car with hot chocolate and crumbs everywhere
That’s the stuff I want to remember. That’s what makes it worth it.
5. Let Go of the Cooking Pressure
I love a good homemade meal, but let me tell you—I am not afraid of a store-bought shortcut. One year, we tried the pre-cooked Thanksgiving dinner from Costco, and it was surprisingly amazing. No stress, no mess, and more time for actual togetherness.
It doesn’t have to be all-or-nothing. Maybe you cook the main dish and order the sides. Maybe you make your favorite pie, but buy the rest. You don’t have to prove anything.
Feeding your family should feel joyful, not exhausting. And if the meal’s made with love (or just heated with love), it still counts.
Final Thoughts: You Deserve a Peaceful Holiday, Too
I used to think holiday stress was just part of the deal. But over time, I’ve learned that so much of it can be prevented, or at least softened, by getting clear about what matters, saying no to what doesn’t, and building in space for rest.
Because yes, the holidays are about family and giving and joy.
But they’re also about presence, not just presents.
And the best gift you can give your family might just be a calmer, more grounded version of you.
So take a breath, mama. You’re doing great. Let this be the year you create a holiday that feels as good as it looks.